Friday Fictioneers – March 14

Every Friday writers from around the world contribute 100 word stories prompted by a photograph supplied by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields to Friday Fictioneers. Everyone is welcome to contribute and we love comments on our stories.

Copyright - Adam Ickes

Copyright – Adam Ickes

The Straight and Narrow

My husband terminated our marriage through the back window of a taxi. The engine was running and the meter ticked over wastefully.

Our conversation follows, verbatim.

‘Sorry, but you’re so boring,’ he says.

‘I can be unpredictable.’

‘I’ve just dumped you, but you still came out to wave me off.’

‘Wait. I’ll go inside.’

I keep to the concrete path that symmetrically bisects our lawn.

‘You can’t even walk on the grass,’ he yells.

I falter. I’d cut every blade of that couch yesterday with my shears. His request is unreasonable.

I turn to tell him but the taxi pulls away.

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50 Responses to Friday Fictioneers – March 14

  1. Lovely! Beautiful development of characters through dialogue. That first sentence is magic! I could read it over and over.

  2. Lovely Karen, I like the attitude of the woman, cutting the grass with shears, very good. A great start to grab my attention, very well done.

  3. Diana Threlfo says:

    Karen, every sentence and line of dialogue delivers a surprise. But what is not surprising is that the couple are splitting. Superbly crafted piece.

  4. storydivamg says:

    How sad for him to leave because she is predictable. My guess is that he needs her stability. Nicely written.

    All my best,
    MG

  5. Sandra says:

    This is very clever and beautifully executed. Well done Karen.

  6. shonasim says:

    Love this, Karen.

  7. I love the way you started out. That first paragraph not only pulled me into the story but set the parameters as well. You painted the perfect picture of someone who can’t see the obsession that’s destroyed her marriage. It makes me ache, knowing why it won’t work but feeling bad for both of them, too. You did this so well. One question. Why “couch” here: “every blade of that couch”? Why does she see it as a couch?

    janet

    • Hi Janet. I really appreciate the time and consideration you gave to my story. Thank you so much. Couch (pronounced c’oo’ch) is a grass used for lawns here. It grows thick, soft and luxurious, and takes a lot of care to look really good. I wanted that variety to show how anal she is. I didn’t see how confusioning it might be until you mentioned it. I’ll have to look for a similar type of grass. Thanks, again. Karen

  8. Amy Reese says:

    I love your opening line. It’s great because it’s such a horrible situation. It really sets the stage and tone for the whole piece. I really enjoyed this, Karen.

  9. HaHa! Had me smiling from the meter ticking away “wastefully”. Great story. 🙂

  10. plaridel says:

    who needs that kind of guy? glad he left.

  11. DCTdesigns says:

    Karen the beginning was stunning. I got a visceral sense of the setting before the dialogue set in. I m glad to have read your explanation of couch in the comments. I got lost there as well. But all fixed now. Terrific story.

    • Thanks so much for your comments, DCT. It’s always interesting to discover the differences between countries that speak the same language. Until Janet mentioned it I didn’t even realize couch was odd.

  12. Dee says:

    What a way to end a marriage! Well written Karen,good pace and a believable dialogue.
    Dee

  13. rgayer55 says:

    i agree with Summerstommy, anal came to mind. She’s so focus on the little things. Excellent writing.

  14. Dear Karen,

    I’m glad you answered the question about couch already so I don’t have to admit that I was confused by that. Now I know it makes perfect sense. Poor girl, doesn’t even get it as he’s leaving. I know a couple of people who truly have OCD. I’d think they would be hard to live with. I’m only obsessive in my disorganization. 😉 Good one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  15. atrm61 says:

    What a pair!One insensitive enough to call it quits from a taxi window-that alone tells us about his “awesomeness”,lol!And the other one o is of course totally crazy-obsessing over things which really are not that important-sigh!Well,now hopefully they will find some peace in their lives ;-)Brilliant writing Karen:-)

  16. Karen, this is one of my favorites! This truly has the the stuff of a novel in it. In a few short lines, in 100 words, you have taken me into a complicated marriage, into the personality of what sounds like a complex woman… and I want more! Really awesome writing!! “My husband terminated our marriage through the back window of a taxi. The engine was running and the meter ticked over wastefully.” That opening line is sheer beauty. Like Jessie, I could just read it over and over.

  17. AH.. yes there is always a great reasong not to walk on the grass.. this is way to real.. and despite the husband is a prick… I can in some ways understand him..

  18. I think he has already found someone new.

  19. Well written. The dialogue is especially done well. It’s so very realistic. That is a truly mismatched couple.

  20. This made me sad somehow. The way she clung to hope, perhaps in denial. Very well etched and true to life, the characters.

  21. Nan Falkner says:

    The first sentence was a real attention getter. Good story and well written. Thanks, Nan

  22. Perhaps life is better apart, in this case. 😉 Well done, as always, Karen 🙂 I came here looking for a March 28th story, so will hope to see that sometime if it pops up later!

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