Every Friday writers from around the world contribute 100 word stories prompted by a photograph supplied by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields to Friday Fictioneers. Everyone is welcome to contribute and we love comments on our stories.
That afternoon the cherry trees outside her dorm in Kyoto were inundated with ripening buds, and Keiko nearly burst with excitement. In a few weeks, when the blossoms frilled from their pods like cowry shell creatures, she could go home.
Her mother, father, sisters, cousins, aunts, would flood Sendai station to meet her train. There’d be a welcome banquet in their house in the fishing village: hot smoked fish, octopus balls, red paste cakes. She’d sleep in her pink time-warped bedroom.
Suddenly the air surged and buckled. The new buds, the cherry trees, her whole world, rippled as if she were looking through water.
Another beautiful piece of writing, Karen. I love the references to the sea: cowry shell creatures, fishing village, fish, octopus, water, inundated, flood. The last two sentences are climactic and startling. They make such a strong impact.
Thanks, Diana. I’m thrilled by your comment.
So much shown using so few words – words that weave a tapestry of beauty – “when the blossoms frilled from their pods like cowry shell creatures:” and “her pink time-warped bedroom”. I agree totally with Dianna’s comment on the last two sentences. It is joy to read. thank you Karen.
I really appreciate your kind words, Margaret. Thank you.
Some great descriptive work in this, I could almost have been there. And then the twist, so aptly described too. Good work.
I’m so pleased you came to visit, Sandra. Your comments made me very happy.
a very surprising twist… and such gorgeous descriptions! 🙂
Mmm, octopus balls 🙂
I wonder what’s going to happen to her? A great adventure or a horrible death?
Ha, I know octopus balls may not be the best choice of words but I don’t actually know what those balls made of pieces of octopus and a glutinous substance are called. Sadly, the horrible death happened to her family.
Having read the other comments and thinking back to what’s happened in Japan, I see it now – an even more powerful piece than I first thought.
I’m really thrilled you’ve gone back to read my story again. I see now how I could have made the links stronger. The feedback has been extremely helpful. Thank you everyone.
That jumped out at me too. Not exactly “mountain oysters” but something similar I suppose.
They taste good, anyway.
I liked this Karen, I had the sense of earthquake within the image of the ripples. The description of the blossoms is stunning as well. Well done.
Thanks for your kind comments, Michael.
Great use of carefully chosen words for foreshadowing the ripple at the end. Lovely piece of writing.
A nigh-on perfect evocation
Wow! Thank you so much, Etienne.
Earthquake, tsunami, what happened here?
Hi Russell. Well, both things happened. Earthquake to her – she’s in Kyoto – and tsunami to her family – they’re in Sendai. I tried to connect the two through her experience but I can see that’s a bit too much of a leap. I’m glad the sense of the experience came through, though.
I loved the way you described the cherry trees. Great story!
I glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading it.
lush and beautifully painted for us, in fantastic language and words. The end just makes it more amazing! Fabulous take this week, Karen.
Thanks, Dawn. Your kind words make me very happy.
Wow! There is so much packed in this story – nature, food, natural disasters and human emotions.
Nature holds an exulted place in Japanese culture and I wanted to reflect that. Thank you for your kind comment.
A lot of story packed into a small space. Beautiful imagery with the subtle jolt at the end. Like Haiku. Beautifully crafted.
Thanks, Rochelle. I love reading Haiku. I have enough trouble keeping under 100 words for FF so writing haiku would be incredibly difficult.
Gorgeous, superb writing Karen. It was thrilling to read. Well done!
Thanks for reading. I really appreciate your kind comments.
You use words well – which hint only at what is on its way. In the end, we know she will not be entering ever again that cosy pink time-warp. 🙂
Thank you for your wonderful comment. I love the way you expressed it. And thank you for following my blog.
Nice imagery, I find this very poetic.
Thanks, Dawn. I appreciate the comment.
Perfect title. Your story radiates far beyond its allotted word count.
I’m glad you like the title, Mike. It took almost as long to find the right one as it did to write the story. Thanks for your wonderful comment.