Friday Fictioneers – 20th December

Copyright - Jean L Hays

Copyright – Jean L Hays


Every Friday writers from around the world contribute 100 word stories prompted by a photograph supplied by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields to Friday Fictioneers. Everyone is welcome to contribute and we love comments on our stories.

Ripples

That afternoon the cherry trees outside her dorm in Kyoto were inundated with ripening buds, and Keiko nearly burst with excitement. In a few weeks, when the blossoms frilled from their pods like cowry shell creatures, she could go home.

Her mother, father, sisters, cousins, aunts, would flood Sendai station to meet her train. Thereโ€™d be a welcome banquet in their house in the fishing village: hot smoked fish, octopus balls, red paste cakes. Sheโ€™d sleep in her pink time-warped bedroom.

Suddenly the air surged and buckled. The new buds, the cherry trees, her whole world, rippled as if she were looking through water.

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39 Responses to Friday Fictioneers – 20th December

  1. Diana Threlfo says:

    Another beautiful piece of writing, Karen. I love the references to the sea: cowry shell creatures, fishing village, fish, octopus, water, inundated, flood. The last two sentences are climactic and startling. They make such a strong impact.

  2. Margaret jackson says:

    So much shown using so few words – words that weave a tapestry of beauty – “when the blossoms frilled from their pods like cowry shell creatures:” and “her pink time-warped bedroom”. I agree totally with Dianna’s comment on the last two sentences. It is joy to read. thank you Karen.

  3. Sandra says:

    Some great descriptive work in this, I could almost have been there. And then the twist, so aptly described too. Good work.

  4. kz says:

    a very surprising twist… and such gorgeous descriptions! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. draliman says:

    Mmm, octopus balls ๐Ÿ™‚
    I wonder what’s going to happen to her? A great adventure or a horrible death?

  6. I liked this Karen, I had the sense of earthquake within the image of the ripples. The description of the blossoms is stunning as well. Well done.

  7. Great use of carefully chosen words for foreshadowing the ripple at the end. Lovely piece of writing.

  8. A nigh-on perfect evocation

  9. rgayer55 says:

    Earthquake, tsunami, what happened here?

    • Hi Russell. Well, both things happened. Earthquake to her – she’s in Kyoto – and tsunami to her family – they’re in Sendai. I tried to connect the two through her experience but I can see that’s a bit too much of a leap. I’m glad the sense of the experience came through, though.

  10. znjavid says:

    I loved the way you described the cherry trees. Great story!

  11. lush and beautifully painted for us, in fantastic language and words. The end just makes it more amazing! Fabulous take this week, Karen.

  12. Thanks, Dawn. Your kind words make me very happy.

  13. Subroto says:

    Wow! There is so much packed in this story – nature, food, natural disasters and human emotions.

  14. Nature holds an exulted place in Japanese culture and I wanted to reflect that. Thank you for your kind comment.

  15. Dear Karen,

    A lot of story packed into a small space. Beautiful imagery with the subtle jolt at the end. Like Haiku. Beautifully crafted.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  16. Gorgeous, superb writing Karen. It was thrilling to read. Well done!

  17. annisik51 says:

    You use words well – which hint only at what is on its way. In the end, we know she will not be entering ever again that cosy pink time-warp. ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. Nice imagery, I find this very poetic.

  19. mike olley says:

    Perfect title. Your story radiates far beyond its allotted word count.

  20. I’m glad you like the title, Mike. It took almost as long to find the right one as it did to write the story. Thanks for your wonderful comment.

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